


A Bad Starbucks AU

by irltenten



Category: One Piece
Genre: Alternate Universe - Real World, M/M, Starbucks
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-13 13:54:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29527407
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irltenten/pseuds/irltenten
Summary: A not very good real world AU where Zoro works at Starbucks.
Relationships: Roronoa Zoro/Vinsmoke Sanji
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	1. Start

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hi!! I just want to preface this with the fact I am NOWHERE near caught up on One Piece. I just got cursed with the thought of Zoro being a Starbucks barista, and my brain got so full with ideas that I couldn't hold off on writing this. I'll be adding more than just the like 5 East Blue bitches later. I just want to add as I go, you know. Other than that, thank you for reading, and I hope you enjoy :^)

Sanji fumbled through his phone trying to find the Starbucks app. It seemed when it mattered it disappeared from his home screen just to spite him. He could avoid the hassle by immediately going to the search bar, but he was much too stubborn for that. Thus, he hastily swiped back and forth through the pages until the right shade of green finally caught his eye. He quickly opened it, went to the pay function, and held his phone up to pay.

Zoro looked at him confused. “I have no idea what you’re trying to pay for when you haven’t even ordered yet,” he said with the slightest smirk poking through the confusion.

Sanji glared at him. Since Zoro started working at Starbucks they have had this same conversation, down to the exact facial expressions, what felt like a million times. Sanji knew Zoro knew his order, and Zoro knew he knew. It wasn’t like he got something different anytime or got some insanely complicated drink that would never stick to the brain. It was a cappuccino. Just a fucking cappuccino.

“Can we not do this today?” Sanji pleaded, still with his eyebrows furrowed.

Zoro raised his eyebrows in a faked confusion. “Do what today? I’m just asking for your order, _sir_.”

Sanji squeezed his eyes closed and sharply sighed. He couldn’t get outwardly angry because they were in public and there was no way to spin it to make him not look like the bad guy, so he breathed deeply. Thus, started the second phase. An exchange that has happened what feels like a million times always ended in Sanji’s loss.

After a moment to calm himself down, Sanji defeatedly said, “A grande cappuccino please.”

Zoro smirked in victory as a million and one wins were now under his belt. He rang up Sanji for the single cappuccino and went to work. Sanji, on the other hand, dragged himself to the normal table, way too dejected than anyone should be for having to actually say your order, and slumped down at the window seat. 

Before his drink could be called, the rest of the gang pulled up. It was part of their routine at this point to meet up at Zoro’s work almost anytime he had an afternoon shift. Luffy and Usopp were the first through the door, rushing towards the pickup counter to grab their two hot chocolates and collection of pastries they had ordered ahead, while Nami trailed behind at a reasonable pace to do the same, though her order was not nearly as extravagant as theirs.

“You really need to start ordering online. It’s getting really annoying seeing you get so depressed over a drink,” she said as she sat down next to him.

“That would be accepting defeat,” Sanji replied.

Nami shook her head and rolled her eyes. In the nicest way possible, she couldn’t stand him or Zoro, especially them together. She kept in the snide remark that popped into her head and focused her attention across the table at Luffy and Usopp who had begun attempting to divide their pile fairly. The two of them bickered over who got what and if they had split a pastry evenly, Luffy being incredibly greedy for not spending a penny on any of them.

During their argument, Sanji’s drink got called. He walked to the counter where Zoro had moved to after the register had cleared. As Sanji approached, he pushed his drink towards the outside of the counter. Completely over the loss, Sanji grabbed it with a slight smile.

“You didn’t spit in this right?” he asked, jokingly.

Zoro raised an eyebrow in a faked confusion. “Of course I did.”

The two laughed before Sanji went back to the table where Luffy and Usopp were finally finishing up the last of the dividing. He sat down, and the four of them started to talk, with Zoro interjected whenever he had a moment of downtime. Depending on how engaging the conversation got, they would talk all the way to when Zoro got off his shift at 5. It wasn’t rare, but it wasn’t that common. Today, though, was one of those days.

In the middle of the three of them reprimanding Luffy for bumming from the three of them instead of getting a job, Zoro slumped into the empty chair at the head of the table. As soon as he did, Luffy, who already wasn’t paying attention to getting scolded, moved all his attention to Zoro.

“When can we play Smash?” he asked.

Zoro thought for a moment, though he was a little too tired from his shift to do so, before replying, “This weekend.”

Luffy widened his grin. Ever since he got a Switch all he had tried to do is get the gang to play Smash or Mario Kart or Mario Party with him. It had started as just for fun, as none of them save Usopp had much experience with any Nintendo party game, but quickly became a competitive nightmare. That was especially the case between Zoro and Sanji who have been keeping track of their win/loss for well over a year at this point.

Sanji checked his phone for the time as Zoro slumped even farther into his seat. “Well,” he said, putting a hand on Zoro’s arm, “I think it’s time for us to go.”

Nami followed suit, checking the time as well. “Oh god, yeah.”

All of them stood up and left the Starbucks. Sanji had parked on the other side of the building as Nami so they parted ways at the door. Luffy and Usopp rushed ahead of Nami to her car while Zoro trailed behind Sanji to his. Before any of them got far enough away, Luffy called out a confirmation for the weekend with Sanji sticking up a thumbs up. With that, their plans had been set, and their day had ended.


	2. Sanji Day!!!

“So,” Nami leaned towards Sanji with a smile, “What did Zoro get you?”

The mention of Zoro made Sanji roll his eyes. He was a little pissed at the guy currently. With a sigh he reached into his pocket to pull out something small and orange. Nami squinted to see exactly what it was before breaking out into laughter.

“Did he really?” she said between giggles.

Luffy and Usopp walked up to where they were to see what was going on.

“Is that  _ Rick and Morty _ ?” Usopp asked.

Zoro came from behind the partition that separates their bedroom from the living room and stood behind Usopp. Pointing at the little orange stick, he said, “It’s a  _ Rick and Morty  _ disposable. The guy at the smoke shop recommended it.”

“I don’t even watch  _ Rick and Morty _ !” Sanji protested.

“Peach, hmm,” Luffy read the disposable vapes label before smiling. “Can I try it?”

In unison Nami and Usopp yelled, “No!”

On the contrary, Sanji said under his breath, “I’d rather he have it than me.”

Nami was not pleased. “We are not letting Luffy fall into the marketing tactics of big tobacco. Ace would kill us.”

She was right. They had been dancing the fine line of having Ace’s thanks for taking care of his brother while he was away at college and being found dead in the street for being a bad influence for Luffy. With one look at Luffy, who did not seem to care in the slightest what Nami had said because his eyes were glued to the disposable, Sanji shoved it back into his pocket.

“Well, I see you guys also brought me presents,” he said, changing the subject.

Nami motioned for Luffy to open up the plate covered in tin foil he was carrying. When he did, Sanji was greeted by some of the most poorly frosted cupcakes he had ever seen in his life. He was sure a 5 year old could’ve done better.

“Sorry they’re a little ugly. I made the cake, and Luffy made the frosting,” Nami smiled. “They’re good, though. Happy birthday.”

Luffy forced the cupcakes towards Sanji with a smile. “Happy birthday!”

Sanji kept staring at the cupcakes. They were so fucking ugly, but he couldn’t be an asshole about them. He grabbed the plate, took them back towards the kitchen, grabbed one, and then went back to the original spot. Luffy was looking at him expectantly as Sanji awkwardly held the cupcake. He was probably told he wasn’t allowed to have a cupcake until Sanji at least had one, so Sanji took a bite.

“Wait this is kinda good,” he said with more disbelief in his voice than needed.

Nami gave him an annoyed look. “Of course it’s good. I made it.”

Paying no mind to her annoyance, Sanji grinned. “Thank you!”

“Can we talk about the spoon now?” Zoro motioned to Usopp who was holding what looked like a poorly wrapped comically large spoon.

Usopp looked at the present in his hands then looked up at Sanji, “It’s for you.”

“Wait, open my present first,” Luffy said.

Luffy handed Sanji the plastic CVS bag he had been carrying. Rather than there was anything wrapped like a proper present inside, there was a bag of Hot Cheetos and an assortment of candy. The plan Nami devised when her, Usopp, and him were on the train was that Luffy would give his gift first no matter what because there was no way Sanji was not gonna make some sort of scene over it. If he gave the $15 worth of snacks he had picked up at CVS on the way to meeting them first, Nami and Usopp’s presents would not only look better in comparison but also cancel out against Luffy’s objectively pretty shitty gift.

Sanji looked in the bag and looked at Luffy who was grinning. He hated Hot Cheetos. He was about to make a comment about that, but Luffy beat him to the punch.

“Zoro told me you liked Hot Cheetos. He wasn’t sure what candy you liked, so I bought something from each category.”

So, that’s what it was. It was oddly thoughtful of Luffy to make an effort to at least get him something he liked by asking Zoro. Too bad Zoro had ulterior motives. Unlike Sanji, he loves Hot Cheetos. Not wanting to be a dick, because Luffy genuinely seemed proud of his gift giving abilities, Sanji took the CVS bag in stride.

“Thanks, Luffy,” Sanji smiled before turning back to Usopp and the giant spoon, “Now, about that.”

“Happy birthday!”

Usopp handed him what looked like a haphazardly wrapped giant spoon. There was no way, though. Where would he get a massive spoon, and why would he get Sanji one? It must’ve been a trick of the wrapping.

Nami leaned towards Usopp as Sanji inspected the gift, and whispered, “It’s really funny how you wrapped something like a giant spoon.”

“Huh?”

“What the fuck is this?” Sanji said.

He couldn’t hide his confusion. He had about halfway unwrapped it, and the gift was literally just a giant spoon. It was a 4 foot something plastic spoon. Luffy and Zoro burst into laughter.

“It’s a comically large spoon. You could use it as decor or something,” Usopp replied, very frankly.

Sanji finished removing all the wrapping paper and examined it. It was really just a comically large spoon. Sanji was at a loss for words. Nami had joined Luffy and Zoro in laughing. The comically large spoon, at the very least, lived up to its name.

“Uh, thanks, Usopp,” Sanji said as he set the spoon down in a corner of the apartment.

Nami smiled, “I guess it’s my turn now.”

The gift that she was holding was definitely the best looking. It was small, but she had taken the time to make the tissue paper decorating the interior of the bag look nice. Sanji got his hopes up. There was no way Nami could come out with a shitty gift. He had absolutely zero hope for Luffy and Zoro. Usopp was a little surprising, but it wasn’t out of character for him to get something weird and useless. Nami handed him the present, and he opened it. Inside was a black tie with what looked like a red floral pattern. It was genuinely a nice gift.

“Oh, this is pretty. Thanks, Nami,” Sanji said, examining the tie.

“Isn’t it. Can’t believe that’s what gonorrhea looks like,” Nami said.

“Huh?” Sanji blinked. “Gonorrhea?”

Nami pointed at the red things on the tie. “Yeah, that’s what gonorrhea looks like apparently. There’s a whole line of ties with different diseases on them apparently.”

“And you chose gonorrhea?” Sanji asked, not even thinking to question why she knew about or got him ties with diseases on them.

“It felt the most fitting,” Nami replied. “I’m glad you like it.”

Sanji looked at her then at the tie. It was pretty even if it was gonorrhea. He put the tie back in the bag and set it down on the table where he had put the CVS bag. Thus, the gift giving was over. It was definitely something that Sanji couldn’t describe, but, despite everything, he felt at least a little warm over it. He was at least a little thankful for his friends, even if they were the worst at giving presents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was planning on posting this after the chapter I was working on now, but apparently writing about Smash Bros is a lengthy process. Nonetheless, here is a little something I wrote for Sanji’s birthday because I am mentally unwell. :^) Anyway, I hoped you enjoyed. Also, in case you were wondering for whatever reason there ARE ties that have gonorrhea on them, and they are VERY pretty. Here’s a link to it if you were curious >:^) https://www.ties.com/infectious-awareables-gonorrhea-red-tie


End file.
